At Random
MLB Payroll Madness
The first pitch of the Major League season should have coincided with vigorous protests outside of stadiums in Miami, Tampa Bay, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and the south side of Chicago.
Trade War Monopoly
Snuff out globalization.
Zack Greinke Starts The Season
On his favorite award: “I’ve only kept one award in my whole life, and it’s the coolest thing ever. Mizuno gave me a samurai sword for winning the Cy Young. It’s awesome.”
Job Posting: Golf Course Ranger
Bushwood Country Club is hiring a golf-course ranger for the 2025 season.
Used Lawn Mower
A priest buys a lawn mower for the parish house at a yard sale.
On The Farm
A Minnesota farmer sat on his front porch looking out over his crops.
A Call From The Lawyer
A New York attorney called his wealthy art-collector client.
At The Bar
An old couple walks into the bar.
We Made It To March
A puff of glorious Pacific air recently helped us turn our calendars to March. That act means the hard part of the year, up here in the thawing North, is behind us.
L. Thomas Snyder, Attorney At Law
DO YOU HAVE A SIBLING? Stand up for your rights!
Bob Gibson Points Us To Spring Training
On throwing hard: “Have you ever thrown a ball 100 miles an hour? Everything hurts. Even your ass hurts. I see pictures of my face and say, ‘Holy shit,’ but that’s the strain you feel when you throw.”
Another “Onion” Attempt
Deep in an argument about household responsibilities with his wife, longtime husband Peter Rogers tried out what he thought was a sure-fire, argument-ender for the first time
Back At The Bar
An Irishman, an Italian, and a Norwegian are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.
Catholic School Math
Little Tommy was having a terrible time with math. His worried parents had tried everything from flash cards to online learning programs, and even a private tutor.
Ice Fishing Report
Brutally cold temperatures in January combined with very little snow—about one-fourth of New Orleans’ monthly snowfall—have created the perfect conditions for ice fishing here in Minnesota.
Bachelors' Furniture - Presidents Day Sale
As a single man, you have no interest in furnishing your living space.
Curt Cignetti Marks The End Of Football Season
On attracting recruits to Indiana: “It’s pretty simple, I win. Google me.”
More Middle-Aged Fantasy Hotline Theater
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Ice Fishing Trip
Four fellas from Mankato went ice fishing up in Northern Minnesota. To save a little money, they rented a small cabin that had only two bedrooms.