We the people, of the At Random Department, would like to congratulate our newest American citizens who were sworn in at ceremonies around the country on Independence Day. These folks had to fill out reams of bureaucratic paperwork, pay thousands of dollars in legal fees, submit to a biometrics scan, pass an English proficiency test and wait and wait… and wait.
Shelby Houlihan, the middle-distance runner who holds two American records, has been banned from competing in the next two Olympic games after testing positive for the steroid nandrolone. Houlihan, who claims to have never purposefully used a banned substance, has retraced her steps to a Mexican food truck as a source for the positive test.
A wife returned from her annual physical in a very good mood and finds her husband on the living room couch.
Last month, the CDC cleared the way for fully vaccinated adults to stop wearing face masks in most situations. This announcement came as a bit of a surprise, as the country is still months away from herd immunity (if we ever get there).
Ted’s wife left a note for him on the refrigerator that said, “It’s not working anymore..."
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